Funny-of-the-Week: Actual School Excuse Notes!!!

* My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
* Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
* Please excuse me for being absent last week. I am in pursuing my life's dream and
training to become a Master Burger Flipper at McDonald's.
* Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
* Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
* Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and
misplaced his hip.
* John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
* Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
* Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots
leak.
* Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
* I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know
what size she wear.
* Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday
paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
* Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
* My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with
the Marines.
* Please excuse Bob from school from Sep. 1 - Nov. 1, he had to attend a religious
sacrificial giving ceremony on Indian grounds.
* My brother used this in real life..."the only reason that I do bad in school is because
I'm near and far sighted."
* I didn't come to school yesterday because I was feeling like I was going to be sick,
but thankfully I wasn't!
* Please excuse my daughter for being late. Her broom won't start so I had to send it
back to Salem for repairs!
* I'm sorry but my baby sitter flushed my homework down the toilet.
* I'm sorry Tyler can't go to school today because his hormones are raging.
* I'm sorry I can't come to school today because I have toemonia!

Happy Hump Day, Everyone!!!

Joke-of-the-Week (for SBTB fans): Mark-Paul Gosselaar is really Zack Morris???

Mark-Paul Gosselaar recently showed up at Late Night with Jimmy Fallon...
as Zack Morris!!! It was pretty cool to watch him method act. Very convincing! (LOL!) (And he's hardly changed at all! For anyone who has ever wondered what Zack would look like as an adult, your answer is: Pretty much the same!!!)


Anyone who was as faithful a SBTB viewer as I was will find the clip below very nostalgic (90s clothing, technology, etc.) and quite funny:

What do YOU think? Is Mark-Paul Gosselaar REALLY Zack Morris in disguise??? :-P

Funny-of-the-Week: An Attorney Left Speechless!!! (A Rare Occurence Indeed!) :-)

(The following is supposedly a true story.)

Scene: A courtroom where a witness is testifying in a case involving a man biting off the ear of another man during a fight. After supplying testimony which was very bad for the defendant, the witness was being cross examined by the defendant's attorney.

Attorney: You said that you saw the defendant and the plaintiff in a fight?

Witness: Yes.

Attorney: You then said that you were concerned for your safety and that, because of this concern, you sought shelter elsewhere?

Witness: Yes.

Attorney: You further stated that during this time of seeking shelter, you turned your back to the fight at hand?

Witness: Yes.

Attorney: And then you testified that that was when the defendant bit off the plaintiff's ear??!!

Witness: Yes.

Attorney: Well, that makes for an interesting question then! If your back was turned to the fight then you obviously must have had the plaintiff and the defendant out of your field of vision, correct?

Witness: Yes, correct.

Attorney: Well then, did you see the defendant bite off the plaintiff's ear?

Witness: No.

Attorney: (Smugly) If you did not see him do it, how could you possibly know that the defendant bit off the ear of the plaintiff?!?!

Witness: I saw him spit it out.

(Dead Silence)

Attorney: No further questions.

(Not so smug now, are we? LOL!)

Self Love Starts Young: Sooo Cute!!!

Watch Baby Joey show love to the baby in the mirror!!!

Isn't that just plain adorable???
Hope it put a smile on your face as it did mine! :-)

Same Scenarios, Very Different Outcomes:1959 vs. 2009: Oh, how times have changed!!!

Scenario 1:
James goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack.

1959 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at James' shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.

2009 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, James hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario 2:
Mickey and Bobby get into a fist fight after school.

1959 - Crowd gathers. Bobby wins. Mickey and Bobby shake hands and end up buddies.

2009 - Police called and SWAT team arrives -- they arrest both Mickey and Bobby. They are both charged them with assault and both expelled even though Mickey started it.

Scenario 3:
Davey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.

1959 - Davey sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2009 - Davey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Davey has a disability .

Scenario 4: Tommy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1959- Tommy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.

2009 - Tommy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Tommy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Tommy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Tommy's mom has an affair with the psychologist.

Scenario 5:
Charlie gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

1959 - Charlie shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock.

2009- The police are called and Charlie is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario 6:
Stevie fails high school English.

1959 - Stevie goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.

2009 - Stevie's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Stevie's English teacher. English is then banned from core curriculum. Stevie is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario 7:
Gary takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.

1959 - Ants die.

2009 - ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Gary is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents -- and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated. Gary's dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario 8:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee He is found crying by his teacher, Patty. Patty hugs him to comfort him.

1959 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2009 - Patty is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

Times have really changed. But is it really for the better? Do you agree that we've gotten a bit too careful/politically correct???

Funny-of-the-Week: For Anyone Who Now Does or Ever Has Worked in a Cubicle...

Here are some common drawbacks:

• 23 power cords, 1 outlet.

• Being told to "Think Outside the Box" when I'm in the darn box all day!

• Can't slam the door when you quit and walk out.

• Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.

• If you talk to yourself it causes all the surrounding cubicle inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say "What? I didn't hear you."

• If your boss calls you and asks you to come into his office for a minute the walk there is like a funeral march...people hand you tissues as you pass and refuse to make eye contact.

• Lack of roof rafters for the noose.

• My walls are too close together for my hammock to work right.

• Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind me.

• Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.

• That nagging feeling that if I just press the right button, I will get a piece of cheese.

• When tours come through, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me.

• You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by the time you turn to look they're gone.

(Especially if you have read this while sitting in a cubicle...)
Hope this brightened your day, even if just a bit!!! :-)

Funny-of-the-Week: Sometimes The Truth is Just That Simple!!!

A woman was shopping at the local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk

A carton of eggs

A quart of orange juice

A head of lettuce

A 2 lb. can of coffee

A 1 lb. package of bacon

As she was unloading her items on to the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she indeed had never found Mr. Right.

The woman looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status..

Curiosity getting the better of her, and she said, "Yes you are correct . But how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."

(Sometimes it is just that simple, People!!! That was wrooong, right? :-P "The woman" just seems as if she's pretentious {for some reason} and I like to see those people get what's coming to them.)